I was away at college when Harry had a breakdown and entered a mental hospital. I kept my distance. Was it buried fear? Throughout my early childhood I clung to the idea that mother was invincible and that we were safe with her in charge.
Or maybe it was my age. Or that I was wrapped up in school. No, I think I just could’t imagine her ever being vulnerable or that I had anything to offer her. We both paid the price for her being so complete.
Harry came home gutted from electro-shock therapy and unable to resume his productive life. And yes, my mother became a widow again. But this time she had money and social standing. Her marriage to Harry was an important chapter in the life she created for herself.
“Harry: I’m glad for the time I had with you. You remain a very fond memory.”
As you’ve probably figured out by now, I didn’t know my mother very well. I don’t think anyone really did. We both put up with a lot from each other Her certainty left me always asking questions. Now, in old age, I’ve decided to close the books this way: She gave us opportunity. What would our lives have been if she hadn’t stepped up and been so resourceful?
Joan, reaching closure with your Mother hopefully provides you some internal peace. 💞Camille
ReplyDelete